~Birth Siblings~

     When we decided on open adoption for our kids, we knew the day would come when their Birth Parents would have more children. I remember when Sawyer's Birth Father told us he was expecting another child. I was unsure of how our adoption would change or where we would fit in now that he was creating his own little family. Where would Sawyer's place be in their family? Would they tell this child that she had an older brother? Having not been in a situation like this, we just didn't know our place but we wanted to be fully supportive and sustain their decisions they made as a family. Wondering was driving me crazy so I called Jason and talked to him about it. I told him we would LOVE to meet his girlfriend and so they planned a visit to come have dinner with us.  The moment they got there, we just LOVED her! She let me squeeze her and rub that cute pregnant belly of hers. From that visit, I knew it would be ok. We adopted Gabby and she adopted us. I can't even put into words just how grateful we are for her. For her love, her willingness to be so open with us, and for her support she has given to Jason. She embraced us and let us in their life when she didn't have to and we are so thankful for her tender heart. 

When their sweet baby girl was born, we were so SO happy for them. She was born around the same time as Jamison so we weren't in Texas at the time of her birth. When we finally saw that sweet little baby though... it was so delicious! Her spirit was so tender and I could feel it. It was beautiful to see the happiness in Jason & Gabby's eyes. 

Sawyer meeting his baby sister Madelyn

Proud Big Brother!

 Madelyn, Sawyer, & Jamison

LOVE!

It's been over 3 years now since that sweet little girl was born and we still see them whenever possible. We are so SO thankful that they want us there. Gabby... you will never know how precious you are to us. Thank you for loving us when you didn't have to. Thank you for letting us adopt you and for adopting us in return. Thank you for all of your love and support. It takes a special person to be that loving. You and Jason are wonderful parents and we are so proud of you both. 

When Sawyer's Birth Mother told us she was pregnant with baby #2, I cried the happiest tears for her. It was her turn to be a full time Mother. She was finally going to know first hand the gift she gave me.... Motherhood. To know the kind of joy I had been able to feel for so long because of her.  I felt so honored to be one of the first to know her news. I was a little unsure of how our adoption would change but I was ready to be supportive in what every she chose. On the day her little boy was born, I loaded up the car and drove 5 hours to Texas to see her. We had already packed our bags because we knew he would be born any day so we were just waiting for the phone call. 

Meeting his baby brother Jax Man!!

It has been almost a year and a half since that little buddy was born and OH MY GOODNESS... he is YUMMY!! It has been so awesome to see Lauren have Motherhood. She is one of the BEST Mommas I know. We are so thankful she is on the same page of openness with the kids as we are. There will be no secrets. The kids will always know their special story.

Here are some recent pictures of our trip to TEXAS!! My only regret is that Jamison wasn't there this trip to be in on the brotherly bonding. Next time for sure!! 

 
 

AHHHH... he is so cute!!

One thing I get asked quite often is "Do you think you will "confuse" the kids with how you do things?" My response... ABSOLUTELY NOT! That is just silly to me a little bit. Whenever there is a need for clarity with the kids, we are right here to clarify. There are no secrets... no mystery to solve. We have taught our kids from a very young age their story. It's something they are proud of. It's kind of like a cousin relationship. You don't see your cousin every day, but you know who they are. You know that your relationship with them is special. You love them and are excited to see them and when you're all together... it's a party! 

I just can't imagine doing it any other way. Every time we have visits with Birth Families I think to myself how sad it would have been had we ALL chosen not to do it this way. So many missed opportunities to love, to bond, to embrace what is. Every parent wants the best for their child and for us, this is what feels best to us. All the hugs, kisses, love, snuggles, etc would have been lost. Mystery would have remained and wounds may have never healed. When Jamison's Birth Momma has more kids, we hope to do the same with them too.  

 So....

these are our boys. 

They have One Mom and One Dad. They each have One Birth Mom & One Birth Dad. Together they have one little brother and one little sister. Together they have 8 GREAT-Grandparents, 11 Grandmas & Grandpas, to MANY cousins to count,  MANY Aunts, & MANY Uncles. MANY, MANY, MANY people that LOVE them. 

How do WE feel about this?? So so Lucky!

When will our paths cross?

Yesterday we came out with our secret.... publicly... on facebook. Even though we had been working on our profile for a while, we were planning to keep it a secret until our profile was officially up. Not sure why I didn't want the world to know yet but yesterday it just felt like the right time. I honestly didn't think much would come of it but I was gratefully wrong. It got 108 shares in one day! That is so awesome!! We are feeling the love and are so glad that so many people want to help us find them (Baby/Birth Family). I can not wait to met them :-) Where are they?? Who are they?? Maybe you are the link. Please continue to help us in our search for them. I don't know their names or their faces but I know I love them a ton. There is something deeply special about this expectant Momma that Heavenly Father has allowed me to feel about her all ready. She is specific for us, and us for her. Any sooner or any later in our journey to find her and our stories could have ended up differently. Hopefully our paths are close to crossing. 

To "Her",

It will be more than ok.... Our story will be beautiful with a happy non-ending ending. Your pain and your struggle will not be in vain. It will inspire others in miraculous ways. YOU are amazing. Remember that. 

Love, Candace

"Dear Birth Mom" Letter

We did it! We finally wrote THE letter. In the past, most adoption agencies would refer to this letter as a "Dear Birth Mom" letter. However, they are now encouraging hopeful adoptive couples to use "Dear Expectant Parent(s)". When we began our letter though, neither of those addresses felt right. We tried "Dear Friend", "Hey There", "Hello", "Howdy" and still nothing felt right. So we addressed it like this.... "Every family has a story... Welcome to Ours".  So HERE it is. I hope they feel a connection to us. We can't wait to meet them :-)

I Want Them There

  A few months ago, I attended an Eagle Scout Court of Honor for my nephew. It was a lovely ceremony surrounded by family, friends, and those who have played a special role in my nephew's life. As part of the ceremony, the new Eagle Scout pins a pin on his Mother as a token of thanks for all she has done to help him achieve this highest scout honor. It was so very touching to my heart. After the ceremony was over, I shared with a woman that when my boys were older and we were at their Eagle Scout ceremony, that I would hope that they could have 2 pins for when its time to pin their Mother.... One for me and one for their Birth Mothers. I was very taken back when this woman openly disagreed with this idea. She told me "no... they aren't the ones who will have driven them to all of their meetings, helped with their service projects, etc. That honor is reserved only for you." I was speechless. I found it incredibly insulting to my boys' Birth Mothers and how she so quickly tried to dismiss the idea of something that was so sacred to me. How could she downplay their important roles like that?!?! After Brett and I got in the car, I vented to him my frustration and we both felt the same way. We tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was trying to be "helpful" by maybe helping me see that I don't HAVE to share that honor nor should I feel obligated to or whatever.  Whatever she meant by it though.... struck a nerve. 

As a woman who struggles with unexplained infertility there will always be plenty of moments that I will miss out on. I most likely will never see a positive pregnancy test, never go to an ultrasound, never creatively tell my husband in some awesome way "I'm Pregnant", never celebrate a gender reveal, never experience labor, breastfeeding, swollen ankles, never see what a child of mine and Brett's genetics would look like, etc. Often times my infertility sadness triggers are caused by seeing others who do get these things. Even though I am happy for them, it is still sad at times because it is just a reminder of what I am missing out on. Things that I have absolutely no control over. This missing out list could have been a lot longer had it not been for our amazing Birth Parents. 

When our son's Birth Parents placed their perfect little boys in our arms, they gave us more than just a child. They gave us first steps, winning soccer goals, hand picked flowers, art for the refrigerator, insanely loud giggles, snuggles, messy sticky kisses and so so much more. They gave me Motherhood & Brett Fatherhood. 

I love our boys Birth Parents so so much. I want them there always. I may not be able to control what I miss out on but I can control what they, their Birth Parents, miss out on. I want them there for sports games, school plays, birthday parties, graduations, baptisms, mission farewells, homecomings, and yes... even Eagle Scout Ceremonies....especially when they pin their Mothers. I know living far away from them makes coming to these things a little more difficult but it doesn't mean that I don't wish they could be there. I always think of them in my moments of proudness for our boys. I send them lots of pictures so they can enjoy it with us even though they are far away. I don't feel like I have to share nor do I feel obligated to share at all. It's a choice I made and I whole-heartedly want to share these moments with them. They shared Motherhood with me and I gladly will share Motherhood with them right back. Without them, there would have been nothing to celebrate, and my missing out list would have never ended. 

I know this may not be ideal for everyone.... but for us, it is. I don't feel like I'm loosing out on anything by sharing happy times with them. Sharing doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your joy. Sharing is just making more room for the joy to be spread. It's ok to share your happiness. Just as every adoption is different... so is everyones level of comfort when it comes to sharing. There are some Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents that would rather not have these moments shared with them. That's ok too! Some situations aren't healthy for sharing and would not be in the best interest of the child involved. If I felt even the slightest bit that there would be harm in sharing I wouldn't do it. Luckily, there is no harm in our triads. 

Jason, Lauren, & Amy.... If you read this, know that your presence will always be wanted there. I want to settle any confusion right now and tell you that when we invite you, we genuinely WANT you there. The boys want you there and your families are wanted there too. You will not be the elephant in the room nor in the way in the least bit. I know we live far apart so coming to everything would be difficult, but just know in those moments, we do think of you and our hearts flood with gratitude. For had it not been for you there would be no happiness to celebrate. 
Heart & Soul... Candace

His Parts Like Theirs

I just love everything about this picture. Sawyer's Birth Parents made him a scrapbook when he was born and this is a page from the book. The side says :"Your Parts Of Us". He does have their super amazing good looks all the way! Sawyer loves this book and looks at it often. So do I! I miss them so bad. We can't wait to see them again :-)

How Open Adoption Has Changed My Life

When Brett and I decided to adopt, we knew absolutely NOTHING about adoption. There was no guide book and I didn't know any Adoptive Mothers that had adopted in the past 10 years. However, I did know a few people that had been adopted so I was able to ask them lots of questions. I noticed a pattern that a lot of older adoptees shared. The unanswerable "Why". Why were they placed....Were they loved... whats their biological health history....etc. They were saddened by missing the first chapter of their life. Not all adoptees that I talked to felt this way and were very at peace with the way things in their life were. For us though, we KNEW that we didn't ever want our children to wonder. Adoption has come a long way in the past few decades and closed adoption is becoming less and less common in America. So now that we knew that we wanted an open adoption, we questioned how exactly that would work. I knew absolutely NOBODY that had ever done an open adoption. People thought we were crazy for wanting to keep contact with a Birth Family and were quick to tell us horror stories that they saw on some news channel 20 years ago. However, at the end of the day, we truly felt that open adoption was the best way for us. So with a blind leap of faith, we jumped right in to the open adoption world.
      We have now adopted 2 AMAZING little boys. Both of which are in Open Adoptions :-) Our oldest son is almost 4 and our youngest son is almost 2. I won't say that it has always been easy but I can say that it all has been completely worth it. Here are a few things we learned along the way. Enjoy!
 THINGS WE'VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY
1) Always give your child's Birth Family the benefit of the doubt. There are so many high emotions that you can easily turn something into nothing.
2) Do NOT make a promise you can not keep. Trust is the most important piece of open adoption so if you say you will do something then do it. If you aren't comfortable with something, find a happy medium to satisfy everyone involved.
3) Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! The Good and the Bad. Ask them how they are doing and if the need more or less communication.  Be up front. If you have ill feelings that you can't shake then address them. Don't let it stew in your mind so long that you blow up.
4) If you feel inspired to reach out to a Birth Parent, DO IT! You will be more in tune with a Birth Parent than you think so don't postpone a prompting.
5) Praise them. Use the L word and mean it.
6) Honor the Birth Parents in your children's lives. Let them be proud to be adopted. Post pictures of them in their bed rooms.
7) Don't fear the Birth Parents relationship with the child. Jealousy can be hard to push past sometimes but you just have to do it. Don't nurture jealousy. The Adoptive Family and the Birth Family have 2 separate roles in the child's life. Your worlds will come together to make the child's world one. Finding a good balance is possible.
8) Include the Birth Family as much as you want. The more we give the more they give and we can help each other heal in beautiful ways. No child ever suffered by having too many people love him/her.
9) It's ok to not be perfect in front of them. They know your human. You're not a bad parent if your kid has peanut butter on his shirt.
10) Be yourself from the moment you meet them. No fake smiles, no photoshopping, no pretending to be anything but yourself. That is who they want to see.
11) Be confident in their choice. After placement Adoptive Parents will go through a guilt process. It hurts so bad. You will know that you are benefiting from what is paining them but it will be ok. Pain is to be expected in these situations. Sending them pictures and letting them know you are there helps a ton.
12) Remind them that you are never going anywhere. If you feel them pulling away its ok to ask them about it. If they need space respect it. 

Adoption changed our life. It changed the way we love, the way we have compassion, the way we live.

 Adoption is full of potential. Full of choices that you will make every single day. It will be the hardest most rewarding thing you will ever do. Just keep the faith and remember that FAITH and FEAR can not exist in your mind at the same time. Make sure to nurture the faith part a little more each day and you'll be just fine.

Maybe....

       Imagine if you will... the moment we first met. Not here on earth, but before this life. I know this may sound a bit crazy but you and I both agree, when we met each other, “We just knew”. Why is that do you think? Were our souls reuniting but our minds couldn’t comprehend it? Lets go there for a bit. Let's dig a little deeper and expand on the "what if". Say we did know each other before this life. What was the first day like? Did we meet in passing and become instant friends or was it more of a casual introduction that grew over time. We must have shared some common interests and were passionate about some of the same things. We must have trusted each other a lot and respected each other so much to maintain the amazing friendship we created. I’m sure we laughed together, cried together, and carried each other when needed.

     What do you think we were doing the day adoption came up? Was it causal, a challenge we accepted, or a deal we made? Did I devastatingly share with you that God told me I would be barren on earth? Did you plea for my case to find a way when the plan of adoption was presented? If so..... you must have loved me tremendously. To carry a child and lovingly share him with me so I could experience Motherhood. You must have loved me a lot to knowingly come here and be willing to go through so much pain so I could have a chance at happiness.  If so... thank you for keeping your promise. Another possibility could have been that maybe these children were originally meant to come to me. That the original plan was for me to bear them like most other women out there. But when the news came to you about your plan on this earth, maybe it didn’t include areas of joy and growth you desired to become everything you intended to be. Joy and experience that could only be obtained by becoming a Birth Mother. If so.... I must have loved you tremendously. To agree to be barren if it meant greater things for you, then it was worth it. I must have loved you a lot to knowingly come here and endure the constant struggles of infertility without ever know why I’m broken.  Maybe I was your “Just in Case” and you knew I would be there if you ever were in a jam. Or maybe you were mine and I knew you would be there if adoption was my only solution to eternal happiness. Maybe adoption was our only way to learn things of importance. Of spirituality. Of faith. Of giving. Of loving and accepting love. 

 Maybe it was none of these reasons. Maybe its all of them. 

Maybe it was the boys idea. Maybe they approached us with this glorious plan, smiled with their dimples, and maybe we agreed. They needed us both. They brought us together so together we could love and raise them to become greater than the rest. Maybe the boys couldn’t just settle for being friends, they had to be brothers and this was the only way. 

     We are necessary for each other. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here today. If you weren’t meant to be in my life, maybe my children would have come to me directly and you wouldn’t have accepted the calling of being a Birth Mother. What ever the plan was, I am grateful. We must have invented the pinky promise and set our lives up in a way that our paths would cross. Our bond was so great there that we had to make sure it carried over to here. Good news.... we made it. We listened, prayed, and painfully followed through. We are stronger and wiser than was originally intended for us. We didn’t settle for mediocre lives and we expanded far from the obvious. We are becoming extraordinary and we are becoming the version of ourselves God intended for us to be. 

 I look forward to the day when we know the truth behind our “1st” introduction. To see how all of this really came about. You are one of my best friends and I look forward to the day that we can comfortably pick up where we left off. I love you a ton. Thats a pinky promise. 

                                                             Candace 

If only they knew...

    I promise to be here forever. I promise to never leave you wondering and I promise to always...always leave my door open. When times get rough, I promise to fight for you. To push past my own insecurities and always give you the benefit of the doubt. If I feel you pulling away, I promise to beg you to stay. I promise to honor your special role in our child's life and nurture the hero role you are to us. I promise to love our child to the greatest of my possibilities.... for the both of us. I promise to give my all with every fiber of my being and sacrifice what I need to to make sure he has the life he was intended to have.  If I have a concern, I’ll address it. If I have a need, Ill tell you. If I have a prompting, I’ll act upon it. Your value to me is worth it and we are greater than mistaken assumptions. If your sad Ill be your shoulder. When your happy I’ll gladly share your joy. One day I know you will see the version of yourself that I see in you. You will see the love I have for you being in my life and finally you will see what your worth is to me.       Love, Candace

Our Son's Adoptive Birth Dad

        For many years, I only knew of open adoption one way. We had our son, he had us. He had his Birth Parents, and his Birth Parents had him. We had Birth Parents and they have all of us.  From the moment we met our son's Birth Parents, there was no turning back. We met, they asked us to be their child's parents, and from that day forward we all worked towards nurturing and molding our two worlds together to make our sons world one. For us to be where we are now, didn't happen over night. It took a lot of growing, healing, commitment, and sustainment of each other. We had to be strong enough to push pass jealousies, always give the benefits of the doubts, and be engaged in growing together... as a team... for this little boy we shared. 

As I started to get more involved in the open adoption community, I was able to meet some amazing Adoptive Parents & Amazing Birth Moms, but surprisingly to me... very few active Birth Dads. Where were all the Birth Dads?? There are so many wonderful things I love about my sons Birth Parents. I could write a novel with several volumes on how great they both are. For this blog though, I am going to spotlight our sons Birth Father. 

    The first time I met our sons Birth Father, I admit it, I didn't know what to think. He was tall, tough, and super...SUPER quite. After talking to him for a bit though, I slowly saw the gentle giant come out in him. I could see the fear in his big dark eyes from the many unknowns in the choice he was making for his son. For our Birth Father, he didn't have much support from his family in his decision so the only real support he had was from our sons Birth Mother, her family, and us. (Once we met his family after placement things were different and we felt nothing but love and gratitude from them. We love them a lot!!)

While our Birth Mother was pregnant, he was there. When our son was born, he was there. He was involved, he was supportive, and he LOVED and still does LOVE his son very much. I was very fortunate to be able to be in the room when our son entered the world. While she gave birth he stood on one side of our Birth Mom and I stood on the other, along with her Mother. When he came out I saw the instant proudness on his face. When it came time to cut the cord, a job that traditionally the father does, he passed that honorable duty to me. I didn't even know they had discussed that until the doctor handed him the scissors and he redirected them to me. (I am so thankful for that opportunity.)

We all had 2 days together in the hospital. We were pretty uncertain about what an open adoption was like so we weren't sure what life was going to be like once we left the hospital. When it was time to sign the papers, we signed in different rooms and afterwards they joined us in our room. I could tell this was killing them both inside. They both had been crying and were feeling the deepest pain they have ever faced in their life.... all for the love they had for their son. They were my first true example of pure, self-less love. 

After the hospital we had several visits with them, together and separately. We were determined to use this experience for good. 

    2 years later our family felt it was time to grow so began our journey for open adoption #2. We were contacted by a beautiful young girl who was starting her adoption journey alone, without the baby's father. Once he found out she was pregnant, he quickly vanished and wanted nothing to do with this child. Her and I communicated for a while, found out it's a BOY, and then we met up in Utah when we went out to visit my family. When she told me the father was not involved I didn't really know what to think. If anything I think I was surprised. I wondered how that would be to have one open adoption where my son has both of his Birth Parents and another adoption that has a Biological father that wants nothing to do with him. Now I have said a lot of prayers in my life. Prayed for big things, small things, and things that don't really matter. But when I prayed about this girl and her son, I got the STRONGEST conformation I have EVER had to a prayer in my whole life. It truly felt like God was sitting there next to me telling me that everything would be just fine and things would work out for the good of everyone. It was so STRONG and so powerful that through the whole adoption process, doubt never crossed my mind again. No matter what happened, it would turn out the way God intended it to be. 

When our 2nd son was born, his Birth Mother delivered alone. She had just endured a painful pregnancy, stares, whispers, and judgement from other people,  and was left to make these hard... HARD decisions alone. Luckily she had her family and a few friends to help support her in this difficult time. She had 2 days with her son in the hospital. She tried reaching the Bio-Father several times but he ignored her. When it came time to sign the papers, she painfully signed her name with no support from him. (He did sign his portion of the paperwork 2 months before our son was born.) 

As months went by we went back out to Utah a few more times and tried to make plans to meet the Biological Father. Finally after 9 months and 2 false alarms (he stood us up) we met him in person. Our son looked SO much like his Bio-Father!  It was kind of a bittersweet moment for us. I was so grateful to meet him and so extremely grateful that he went through with the adoption plan but I was heartbroken for my son and his Birth Mother. I did ask why he wasn't ever there and he said he was just scared. I believe he was scared...he was a young immature kid. (He still hasn't told his family that he has a son out there.) In that one visit I tried to get it all in. I got as many pictures as I could and asked as many questions I could think of. I just didn't know if I'd ever have another chance to do so. I'm glad I did because we haven't ever seen him again. I did ask before he left that visit if he would like us to give him updates and he said "No". 

After that visit I just couldn't wrap my brain around it. I looked at my precious boys and wondered HOW could anybody not want to be involved in their precious lives? How could someone so willingly want to reject my handsome little boy? I was heartbroken for him. I was heartbroken for the situation. I knew what open adoption had the potential to become but I couldn't force someone to be involved if they didn't want to. 

When we came back home, we met up with our oldest sons Birth Father. I shared with him what had just happened on our visit and he couldn't make sense of it either. He had asked me one time if when my oldest son (his Birth Son) was older, if he could take him to a baseball or football game sometime. During this conversation I brought that up and told him how sad I felt for my younger son having to sit at home and never being able to have moments like that with his Bio-Father. He quickly corrected me and said "Uh... HELLO... It's not like I'm going to leave his little brother at home!" At that moment he claimed him. Our youngest son was still a baby so he hadn't had much time to get to know him, but from that day forward he became the "Adoptive Birth Dad" to our youngest son. He loves both of our sons so much. Our youngest son has his own special little bond with him too. What a gift to have him for a Birth Dad in our life! We are all so lucky to have him! Our youngest son's Birth Mother is super grateful for him too for being there in that special way :-) 

So what does it mean to be an Adoptive Birth Dad? Basically it just means to love the unbiological child just as much. To make the child feel just as special on visits, holidays, or birthdays and not to feel left out at all.  To maybe give some answers that us as Adoptive Parents can't answer. I know there will come a time in my youngest sons life when he starts asking questions. I will never lie to my children and will always prayerfully handle delicate situations when they arise. He may not have his Bio-Father in his life but he will always have his amazing Birth Mom, Mom, Dad, Brothers, Sister, Adoptive Birth Dad, and lots of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins that are. It is not something I really worry about anymore. Maybe some day his Bio-Father will come around but if not that's ok too. 

    Birth Dads are important and we got a good one. Birth Dad is now a full time father to a BEAUTIFUL little girl with his wonderful girlfriend whom we LOVE!! She is super supportive of our unique little modern family and she is an important part of it as well. We love you Birth Dad and we are more grateful for you than you know. Heart & Soul

OUT OF THIS WORLD!!

The Snow in NY is CRAZYYYYY!!! A big change from Texas "snow". 

Why Build a Snowman when you can build a WALRUS?!

Another fun random Snowman on the side of the road. NBD ;-)

The driveway we have to tackle every day. We have built a great wall ;-)

We found out we have AMISH neighbors. It is so awesome!

This thing was huge!!

 

The kids really enjoy licking the 12+ foot icicles. 

A sweet surprise from the boys when I looked out of the window :)
"WE LOVE MOM"

It's fun digging out the car!
The kids really get creative with their digging techniques.  

Let the Search for THEM Begin!

Sawyer's Birth Mother has Baby #2!

Meet Baby JAX!! Sawyer's dear Birth Mother had a sweet baby boy this month. It was so tender to see her Mother him. I am so excited to see her be a full time Mommy. He is one lucky little boy.

A typical picture of us. Jamison crying and Sawyer holding the dollar he earned by posing for a picture. Congrats Mom and Dad!! 

He has a special place in my heart :-)

Becoming the Answer

God has this wonderful way of making the stars align just right so that certain people come in your life, and you just know the version of yourself you thought you were.... will never be the same. You learn something from them that will give you a whole new perspective on life as you know it and gain the tools you need to be better & finer than you are.
   When I read this quote, it immediately reminded me of our dear Birth Families. They were a HUGE answer to our prayers. Brett and I wanted children so so so badly and we worried it was never going to happen for us. It was a huge, painful, trial in our life. It was a very humbling time in our life that made us who we are today. We prayed for children every single day. Every. Single. Day. 6 years later we were blessed with our son Sawyer. As we had been praying for a child in our home, his Birth Parents had been praying for a home for their child. We were an answer to each other's prayer. The moment we met his dear Birth Parents, the past 6 years all made sense. It took us 6 years to gain the knowledge and appreciation we need to be Sawyer's parents.  It was a time of spiritual growth and a time of testing our patience. It was a refining process. Most importantly though..... it was SO worth it. Every tear we shed, every prayer we said, every plea we made, was so worth it.  Two years later, we were blessed with our 2nd son. We always knew we wanted to adopt again but this time we knew we just had to trust in the Lord's plan. Sawyer's adoption taught us that now matter how good we though our plan was, God's plan was better than anything we could of imagined. When Jamison and his dear Birth Mother entered our life, again... our prayers had been answered. So were hers. Again... God's plan was SO good!
    When adoption happens, something beautiful takes place. Two worlds come together to make a child's world one. A unity is created between 2 women that is greater, stronger, and so divinely sacred. It is a deep bond with such a profound love and appreciation for one another. I love our Birth Moms and Birth Dads so much. When times get rough, I will fight for them; To push past my own insecurities and always give them the benefit of the doubt. If I feel them pulling away I will reach out and beg them to stay if needed. I will always honor their special role in our children's life and nurture the hero role they are to us. If there are concerns, we address it. If I have a need, I tell them. If I have a prompting, I'll act upon it. Their value is so worth it to us and they are greater than mistaken assumptions. If they're sad I'll be their shoulder. When their happy I’ll gladly share their joy. We will always have each others back. One day I hope they will see the version of themselves that I see in them. They will see the love I have for them being in my life and finally they will fully see what their worth is to me.  The relationship I have with them is unlike an other relationship I've ever had. It's rare and it's beautiful. My son Sawyer's Birth Mother recently wrote this on her facebook, "I gave you life, and she made sure it was worth living. The relationship between a birth mom and her child's mother is so special and unique!" When I read that it made my day :-)
 

Made to Travel

I love this photo for so many reasons. It reminds me of our boys and their desire to explore.  It is something we will always nurture in our children :-) 

I literally never stop travel dreaming. I have been this way my whole life. Luckily I married a man who feels the same way!   Our travels have slowed down a lot since he has started his residency but he is almost DONE!!! We have already started planning our first trip when he is done. I am not telling him where we are going till the day we leave. 

 Some day.... Brett, our kids, and I will gladly do this :-) I am sooooo ready for Brett to be finished with his schooling so we can have the freedom to travel the world with our kiddos. We will ditch the maps and get wonderfully lost in America. We don't want our kids to just read about history.... we want them to experience it to the fullest.