We are in UTAH!!!

We are in UTAH!! We are here from Texas awaiting our new arrival that is due any day. We were chosen to be parents to another baby boy and we are so thrilled! He is such a lucky little guy who is already so loved by so many. He has an awesome tummy Mommy and we absolutely love her! I know there are several adoptive Moms that live in Utah and I would love to meet some other adoptive Moms in the area. Ill keep you posted on baby Jamisons arrival :-)

What does Adoption Mean to.....

So I asked some of my Youtube friends to make a vlog about their thoughts on adoption in honor of Adoption Awareness Month. I loved their thoughts and I thought I would share them with you :-)

What Adoption Means to Heethe.....

Heethe is my cousin and my best buddie :-) He has gone through our adoption process with us! I love him! I was curious to hear his thoughts from a guy perspective. Esp. their thoughts on Birth Moms.

What Adoption Means to Jeni.....

She was one of Sawyer's main milk donors. She donated enough milk to last him till his first birthday :-)
What Adoption Means to Dani.....

Dani lives in Canada and we have never met in person. She is truly an amazing girl and loves adoption!
What Adoption Means to Joan.....

Joan lives in Florida and we have met in person before. Her brother was adopted and she may be adopting in the future :-)
These are just a few of the videos that were done. I have more to upload and share. I truly love and appreciate each and every one of these ladies & gentleman. Thanks Yall :-)

My Little Man is 2!!!!

Yesterday was Sawyer's second birthday. Yes I balled my eyes out a few times and insisted on snuggling him as much as I could. We spent some of the day with his lovely Birth Mom and Birth Mimi. We spent the previous day with his Birth Dad. Sawyer is one loved little guy. I made a little video montage of his past year of life. I am so glad I have these moments to remember forever :-)

What does Adoption mean to YOU??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJN-BXshFQE

If you have a special place in you heart for adoption, I'd love to feature your story on my Youtube blog. Please let me know if you will be willing to share your story!
Thank you,
Candace

Looking for Milk Donors : )

As most of you know, our family is going to be growing really soon!! Soon being December 11th! Most people have asked if we were freaking out trying to get everything done to prepare for a new baby in our 2 weeks whereas most people have 9 months to prepare. The truth is we are not really worried at all... about anything.... except what we are going to feed him. 

I have spent the past few days trying to think of just how I am going to word this post. It is a very near and dear post but I don't want it to come off as offensive or try to make anyone feel guilty or obligated in any way. Before our son Sawyer was born, I had read different ways on how a woman can induce lactation without giving birth to a baby. I tried every way and gave it my all but I had no success. To some, breast milk isn't a big deal but for me it is. The fact that I didn't even have the option to provide that for him was sad for me. I felt like I was already starting off motherhood on the wrong foot not being able to provide him with something that I know to be so good for him. I started looking and asking around for other ways. Then my Aunt told me about women that donate milk to other babies. She herself had been a milk donor to a local milk bank a few years earlier. She told me how some women just over produce and the rest needs to go somewhere. But how exactly do you know who overproduces and who doesn't? It's not just something you go up to a lady with a baby and ask her. After lots of thought and prayer I was led to looking online for a donor and sure enough I found one! Through her I found another one and then more and more people found out and I got a few more milk donors. It was a lot of work and a lot of flying across the country to get it but it was so so so very worth the work for me. Sawyer was able to make it an entire YEAR on donor breast milk! I never in a million years expected him to make it that long on BM but we are so so so grateful!

Deacon and his Mommy Jeni donated to Sawyer. 

When I started looking into breast milk for him, I didn't realize how much time and effort it takes to be a donor. One of his donors, Jeni, that lived out of state, spent countless hours, restless nights, tons of dish washing, loads of milk bags, loss of space in her freezer, etc, all for my son. I will always feel indebted to her and all the other amazing ladies that donated to my son. I am truly grateful for every drop! I had no idea how much effort it takes to be a donor for someone else. Knowing that, I feel so so guilty for asking someone to be a donor for our next baby but at least I know it's possible. 

 I've gone back and forth about trying to find a donor for Sawyer's little brother. Of course I want it desperately for him, but at the same time I am feeling a huge amount of guilt asking for it. I love this little baby just as much as I love Sawyer so I have to at least try. So if by chance you are a Mom with an oversupply and you have extra to spare, we will gladly take any drop : ) His tummy will be very thankful for any drop! 

Blowing a Heart : )

We are not expecting a year supply by any means so don't feel like if you donate a little that we will expect more. 1oz is better than no oz. Some people think we are crazy for feeding our child someone else's milk but I don't see whats so weird about it. People donate blood to others all the time and thats not weird. 

Things have changed since Sawyer was born so flying out of state to go pick up milk is not an option for us anymore. Therefore we have to ask locally or at least within driving distance. So if you or someone you know has some spare milk that they are willing to part with, please let us know. We will gladly pay for any bags used to store it it : )

Lots of Love, 

Brett & Candace

Sawyer's going to be a BIG BROTHER!!!

Growing TOOO Fast : (

Adoption Vlog: My Son's Sister

My New Life

My life is different. An amazingly better different. After lots of thought a prayer, I quit my job and became a full time stay at home Mom. I worked at the same job since High School and the more education I got, I just kept moving up the job ladder. Most people would think I am CRAZY for leaving my job. I got paid really well for the amount of hours and work I actually put into my job. I was already part time, and even that was too much. I am so so so grateful for the job I had and I will truly miss all my friends and patients I've met. 

My last day of work.... my going away party : )

So, it was a GiAnT leap of faith, and I can honestly say that without a doubt, I have absolutely no regrets! It was just time. Sawyer was getting to the point where when I left for work, he would stand in the garage with Brett and just cry as I drove away.  Leaving my job was a huge sacrifice but I gained an even greater reward. 
   I have now been a SAHM for a month. Sawyer's speech has tripled,  my bed gets made, we have dinner as a family, I get plenty of sleep, and most importantly.... my little family is together a lot more. Brett is loving me being at home too : ) I know its the little things, but for someone that has never got to fully enjoy the little things.... the little things are so much sweeter : ) 
   When I was little, I remember my Mother always taking us kids to the library for kiddie reading time. It something I always wanted to do with my kids and then when Sawyer came, I was always too tired or too busy with other things. Last week I took him to the library for kiddie reading time for the first time. I saw him sit on his little carpet, holding his train, and watching the lady reading a story about caterpillars. My eyes just starting welling up with tears and I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude. It was in that moment.... seeing him listen to the story..... that I had all the conformation that I needed. I did the right thing. 

My little Buddy : )

Time matters... especially when it comes to not being able to get it back. 5 years from now, I know I won't be mad at my self for missing out on these moments if I had stayed at my job. I'm enjoying the daylight (I worked night shifts), enjoying my stress free mind, and living the life I was led too. I am soaking it all up & now I'm ready for our next new adventure in the life that is waiting for us : ) 

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell

Philosophy on life :

I stumbled upon this little message and I loved it! I just had to share : ) 

This is your LIFE. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like you job, QUIT. If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life; STOP they will be waiting for you when you START DOING THINGS YOU LOVE. Stop OVER ANALYZING, life is SIMPLE. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to NEW things and people; we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. TRAVEL OFTEN; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them. So... go out and start creating. LIFE IS short. Life your dream and share your passion! 

How is Sawyer's Birth Dad doing?

Big Changes Are Coming

   Last night I put in my notice at work so as of August 12th, I will officially be a STAY AT HOME MOM!!! I have been waiting for this day for a long time and I am so glad it's finally going to happen. I have been working at the same job for almost 10 years and though I am so grateful for the experience, it is time to move on. Brett got accepted into Anesthesia school back in November and it is starting in a few weeks. We have had a long time to plan for this so we are so excited and ready for this new adventure. Since Brett is going to be so involved in school, he too resigned from his job. We have been saving for this for a while and with the help of government student loans, we are going to make it. I had a choice. I could either work and enroll Sawyer in day care, or be a stay at home mom and live a little more frugal. It's wasn't a hard choice to make! It's just time : )

  Not much has happened with our adoption progress.... still waiting. However, I have decided on the pictures for our pass along card.  

On one side we are using :

And on the other...

Thanks everyone who voted and helped us make our decision : ) 

We just got home from our last big family vacation for a while so I will have lots of videos being posted on my youtube channel soon. Thank for the love everyone : )

Help Us Pick!!!!

We got our pictures taken by a friend of Candace's to add to our profile. We are having a hard time trying to decide on what picture to put on our pass along cards. Please help us by voting on the right side of this post. Thank you so so much!! You can vote for more than once : )

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

L

M

N

O

P

Q

***I'm a tired loon and I forgot the "K" on the picts and the "Q" on the poll. I can't go back and change it. Haha ***

Sawyer's B-Ma GRADUATES!!!

Simply Put....We Just absolutely LOVE her : )

Good Times : )

This year we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary! I made this back in January and posted it on my youtube channel but I forgot to post it here : ) Enjoy!

Ok to Breathe

I am often asked when in our adoption process the moment was that I just KNEW Sawyer's birth parents were REALLY going through with the adoption. Well besides the obvious signing of the papers. Brett and I were picked to be Sawyer's parents on June 30, 2009. His birth mother wasn't due for another 4 months away so I knew a lot could happen during our 4 month wait for his arrival. When we first found out we were picked.... we were at a local diner with his birth parents. It was the first time they had met us in person but we had lots of communication with them up until then. Asking LOTS of questions on both ends and just really getting to know each other just in case it was a perfect match. Before we left the diner... they asked us to be his PARENTS!! We felt so honored and excited!!! I already loved them so much and now I loved them in an even deeper way.

   The next few days I just told a FEW people our news. I was scared to tell anybody in fear that they would change their minds and I didn't want pity from anyone. At the time, I was already ashamed of my body for letting me down over and over. Nobody even knew we were trying to have a baby. It was a painful secret that I had buried and I just wasn't in the mood to answer questions. As weeks went on... Sawyer's B-Ma would ask me if I had bought anything for the baby yet. I thought her asking was a good sign that she was serious about going through with it but I still didn't have that 100% inner certainty. She would ask how his nursery was coming along and get excited to see pictures of our progress. It was an unknown territory to me. To be honest... each time we would buy something for the baby or add something new to his room, I felt the sacredness getting stronger. Many times I thought to my self... if this doesn't work out, how am I going to handle having a perfect little nursery with no baby in it. I tried not to dwell on it to much. It was a double edged sword. I knew the baby would need things, but I was so afraid of letting my guard down to buy anything. I think Sawyer's B-Ma could sense my worry because on occasion I would convince myself that this wasn't going to happen and just at that moment, she would send me a text message or picture of her belly. I truly felt that she was excited for us. Those little messages would change my whole week. It recharged my much needed hope.

A picture she sent me with a message saying: "Hello Mommy!"

   When it came time to deciding on a name for the baby, we explored lots of options. We even asked his birth parents what names they liked. We asked them to choose his middle name. Finally Brett and I narrowed down his first name to 3 names and we told them what they were. They liked all but one......Sawyer. They read it on a text message and thought he would be called : SAW-YUR. When they heard us say : SOY-YER they liked it a little more.
   About a month before the baby was born, Sawyer's B-Ma asked when my baby shower was. I was a little surprised she asked but once again I felt that it was a good confident sign. I had been bouncing the idea of a baby shower in my head for a while but I hadn't made a choice whether or not to have one. Remember very few people even knew we were adopting. I had decided to just have one after he was born just in case they changed their minds. So when Sawyer's B-Ma asked me about a shower.... I just came completely honest and told her my feelings about it. I was scared. Yet, it felt so good to talk to her about it. She knew I was scared and did her best to re-assure me that she was confident in her decision. I love her. I decided to go forth and have the baby shower BEFORE he arrived.

My cake at the baby shower : )

    A lot of people were shocked ; ) They had no idea we were even wanting to start our family. When people saw me at church.... some didn't know I was adopting a child... so they told me how good I looked for being 9 months pregnant. That's funny considering that I am tall and slender.
   So through out the whole wait for his arrival I had ups and downs, ups and downs, many times. I had faith and felt good about everything but it was just so hard to believe and comprehend at the same time. There just isn't words for the emotional roller coaster. Its a bittersweet experience I guess.
   Finally the time came for his arrival!! We met at the hospital at 5am and just waited. A couple hours went by and then a nurse came in and asked Sawyer's B-Ma what the baby's name was going to be for the hospital records. I looked at her and watched the name "Sawyer" roll out of her mouth. I thought, "WOW" she said it. That is the name that Brett and I choose for him! I don't know why but just hearing her say his name.... the name we picked....made me see that she has already accepted that he was going to be our baby. Seeing that she had accepted that.... I could breathe. I could relax. It was what I needed to hear and see for myself that let me know that she was ok with things. It was my aha moment.
   For most of our waiting duration, I did feel very confident. However, when I had my few lows, they were really low. Your mind plays tricks on you. To many times I would try to put myself in her shoes and when I did that, the end result was much different.... not in my favor.  That's where your mind gets to you.  I couldn't wear her shoes because I had wanted a baby so desperately for so long that I couldn't even imagine placing him for adoption. I didn't consider her circumstances. All I saw was someone placing their baby for adoption and imagining how it felt if it were me at my moment in life. 2 different circumstances. 2 different goals. 2 different pairs of shoes. Don't mix the two and let your mind mess with you.
    I've learned that the birth parents always have the right to change their minds. However it is not something you need to dwell on. Enjoy the preparation. Celebrate the arrival. Keep an open mind and just be happy. It will be OK no matter what : )

Hello Daddy!

Hello Mommy!

Are Birth Mothers REALLY Moms?

To all Mother's in Waiting...

I came upon this poem from an amazing woman's blog. When I read this.... it really hit close to home for me. I was there. I have felt this pain. Now that I do have a wonderful son.... I can say, that it is completely worth every tear getting to where I am today. As I am going down this road again, some of these feelings have come back, however I know what will come when It's my turn. Enjoy! 

To Mother's in Waiting..

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep,

explore,

and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Anonymous-

One Step at a Time : )

Right before Sawyer was born I started vlogging (making videos and posting them on youtube). It started out with just a few home videos for my family and friends that lived out of state. It was also a good way for Sawyer's birth families to see him grow up. I wanted to be able to remember these times and emotions so I could go back and watch them later on. I started searching on youtube for people that had adopted or were adopted so I could get some insight on what open adoption was like. That led me no where. I realized that there wasn't a whole lot out there on open adoption much less adoption in general. So I decided I would be the first. With the help of Sawyer's birth parents, we came together and documented our adoption process. We shared a lot of raw emotions. Sawyer's birth dad did a "Life as a Birth Dad" series and his birth mom did a "Diary of a Birth Mom" series. I did random vlogs about what it was like to become an adoptive mother and how it can turn out. Then I started getting subscribers (people that watch videos I post often) from all over the world. Our videos have had over 245,000 hits on them since we started making our videos! It is our way of shedding light on the wonderful world of open adoption. 

      This past week, one of my subscribers sent me this video she made. I have never met this girl but she comments on a lot of my videos. I wonder sometimes if people really are learning from our experience. Is it worth the time to make and post these videos? This made it worth it : )

Here are the links to my channels: 
This is the one I currently use:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ouradoptionoption?feature=mhee

I don't use this one any more but this is where our adoption videos began: 

http://www.youtube.com/user/candacefrandsen

It's Finally Done!

Yesterday our adoption profile became available to potential birth parents looking to explore the wonderful world of adoption. After it was done, I looked at the pictures and they kind of looked funny for some reason. However, some awesome friends of mine are going to take some updated family picts for our profile. Now we just wait. And hope. And wait. As soon as the new pictures are up I will post the link to our profile to share with you all : ) Thank you so much for all your love and support! We are truly grateful!

Dear Birth Parent Letter

We had our homestudy and the final thing we needed to do is to write our dear birth parent letter. This letter will go on our profile and be on the front page our our profile. We have been stressing a lot over finding just the right words to say. It is their first impression of us. We decided to keep it short and sweet and keep it true to us. We were told not to address "Dear Birth Parent(s)" because that title is reserved for actual birth parents. Thank you for joining us on our journey : )

Dear Friends,
Welcome to our life. We are the Frandsen family! Brett (Dad), Candace (Mom), Sawyer ( the future best big brother in the world), Roxy (the princess dog), Bruiser ( the other best big brother in the world dog), & Cali (the most loving snuggler ever dog ; ) Life for us has always been interesting. We met when we lived on opposite sides of the world although our parents lived 20 minutes away from each other. We happened to adopt the 3 best dogs off the streets a few years apart, our lives have been spared several times, we often find ourselves in the right place at the right time, & most importantly we were so severely lucky & blessed to be able to adopt our son.
After being married for 6 years with no luck of being able to have children we decided to explore the road less traveled.... open adoption. That is the best decision we have ever made. It wasn’t until after our son was placed in our arms that it all made sense to us. All the pain and struggle we went through not being able to start our family was part of the Lord’s plan all along. My body was designed this way for a reason. It was designed specifically for Sawyer’s B-Ma (Birth Mother). It was specifically designed for Sawyer and very possibly.... specifically designed for you. I am ok with that : ) We have a very open, loving, respectful relationship with both sides of Sawyer’s birth family and we love it. We hope to be able to have that relationship with our next child’s birth family too.
We LOVE life! We appreciate the little things and live to explore the unknown. We love to experience the world instead of just reading about it. So we do... we travel a lot. We appreciate the earth so being outside and being one with nature is fun for us ; ) We make lots of videos of our adventures to share with our families out of state and with Sawyer’s birth families. When you go as long as we did longing for children, all you can do is dream about all the things you will do when you do have them. We have many ambitions to fulfill ahead. We love the Lord, we love our families, we love animals, & we love amazing foods. Oh and we love the earth ; )
We thought we would keep this short and sweet considering how many other letters you will read. Feel free to ask us ANYTHING you like. We’re an open book. We look forward to meeting you and so does our sons birth parents. (We come with references ; ) We know this is a big leap of faith decision for you. If we are your child’s parents.... then you will feel it and we will too. Take a deep breath & know it WILL be ok. We already love you and and you’re in our prayers.
Love,

Brett, Candace, & Sawyer Frandsen

So many reasons to celebrate!

Unintentional Isolation

     A few years ago, Brett and I sat down and set out some goals. We wanted to finish school, get good jobs, start a family, and travel the world. We knew that it would be a lot of hard work but we knew it would pay off in the end. Once we were both enrolled in school we were so busy being full time students and working full time we didn't have time for much else. So busy in fact that we sacrificed any sort of social life we had. Our life pretty much consisted of work, school, church, and if possible sleep here and there. Any free time we had we usually just stayed at home or caught up on chores around the house. We used to get invited to so many parties or activities but as time went on we got invited to less and less things. We figured for the most part that people knew we had a busy life and understood why we couldn't make it. A couple years go by and we get our Associates degrees. A couple more years go by and Brett gets his bachelor degree and I become a Mommy. Once our wonderful son arrived, our lives took a sharp left turn.
    I cut my work hours to part time and completely put school on hold. Totally worth it! Brett gets accepted into Grad school for the following year and has a little time off in the mean time. Now we are working opposite days and have more free time than we have ever had. However, now I am realizing just how much we have missed out on these past couple years. We completely isolated ourselves without even realizing it. We missed weddings, parties, important events, and even the not so important events. We missed out on everything. When I go to church now I look around and see that I don't even know half the people there anymore. All this time, I never even took the chance to get to know the new faces I see. Everyone else seems to know these new faces, but I don't.
   I have mentioned this on a previous blog entry but after Sawyer was born, I was an emotional train wreck. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that would hit me out of nowhere. To make matters worse, I really didn't have anyone close to me that could possibly fully comprehend what I was going through so I internalized a lot of things. As an adoptive mom, it's easy to feel isolated when nobody around you has been in your shoes. My best friend didn't even know what was going on. She sensed something wasn't right but convinced herself it was nothing. I just didn't feel like it would do any good to tell her because I didn't think she would be able to get it. To understand it. So, I just put on a smile everywhere I went. Even if I wanted to talk about things with someone, who would I talk to? We had already isolated ourselves from pretty much everyone.... so I felt.
  So between the isolation we brought upon by our busy lifestyle and the isolation I felt with my adoption emotions, I really crawled into a deep hole. I wish now that we would have made more time for things these past few years. We were so caught up in our own things that we shut everything and everyone else out. I also feel that we may have let some people down and don't even know it. If we have.... We are deeply sorry.  The adoption emotions healed over time but I think now that they could have healed a lot quicker if I would have just let some of the emotions out. Yes, I may have been the only one who can fully grasp the adoption emotions in my network of friends, but just talking about things with someone does help a lot.
   So now Brett and I have a new goal.....to make more time.We don't want life to pass us by any longer. We are going to put extra effort into just being there. Having fun and making memories with family and friends. We need a social life again. We have a cute little guy that wants some more friends. Sawyer has taught his daddy and mommy that there is more to life than just textbooks and extra shifts at work.
Our adoption is the best thing that ever happened to us. I have grown more in the past 15 months than I have in the past 26 years. Thanks Soy-Joy!
   

Adoption # 2- The beginning : )

Today we went to our adoption agency and put down our initial payment to start the adoption process again. We are really excited and a bit nervous at the same time. We got super lucky last time and found our own birth mom so we got to skip a lot of the paperwork. This time we are starting from scratch. We are optimistic and looking forward to what God brings us : )

Babys Gotta Poop ; )

The BEST thing I EVER ATE!!

We went to the quilted bear in Provo, Utah and right next to it was a cupcake shop called "The Sweet Tooth Fairy". I bake a lot and everything in that shop was far better than anything I have ever made. Their RASPBERRY LEMONADE cupcake was the best EVER!! There are several locations in Utah and through out the United States! Check out my experience there : )