A few years ago, Brett and I sat down and set out some goals. We wanted to finish school, get good jobs, start a family, and travel the world. We knew that it would be a lot of hard work but we knew it would pay off in the end. Once we were both enrolled in school we were so busy being full time students and working full time we didn't have time for much else. So busy in fact that we sacrificed any sort of social life we had. Our life pretty much consisted of work, school, church, and if possible sleep here and there. Any free time we had we usually just stayed at home or caught up on chores around the house. We used to get invited to so many parties or activities but as time went on we got invited to less and less things. We figured for the most part that people knew we had a busy life and understood why we couldn't make it. A couple years go by and we get our Associates degrees. A couple more years go by and Brett gets his bachelor degree and I become a Mommy. Once our wonderful son arrived, our lives took a sharp left turn.
I cut my work hours to part time and completely put school on hold. Totally worth it! Brett gets accepted into Grad school for the following year and has a little time off in the mean time. Now we are working opposite days and have more free time than we have ever had. However, now I am realizing just how much we have missed out on these past couple years. We completely isolated ourselves without even realizing it. We missed weddings, parties, important events, and even the not so important events. We missed out on everything. When I go to church now I look around and see that I don't even know half the people there anymore. All this time, I never even took the chance to get to know the new faces I see. Everyone else seems to know these new faces, but I don't.
I have mentioned this on a previous blog entry but after Sawyer was born, I was an emotional train wreck. I wasn't prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that would hit me out of nowhere. To make matters worse, I really didn't have anyone close to me that could possibly fully comprehend what I was going through so I internalized a lot of things. As an adoptive mom, it's easy to feel isolated when nobody around you has been in your shoes. My best friend didn't even know what was going on. She sensed something wasn't right but convinced herself it was nothing. I just didn't feel like it would do any good to tell her because I didn't think she would be able to get it. To understand it. So, I just put on a smile everywhere I went. Even if I wanted to talk about things with someone, who would I talk to? We had already isolated ourselves from pretty much everyone.... so I felt.
So between the isolation we brought upon by our busy lifestyle and the isolation I felt with my adoption emotions, I really crawled into a deep hole. I wish now that we would have made more time for things these past few years. We were so caught up in our own things that we shut everything and everyone else out. I also feel that we may have let some people down and don't even know it. If we have.... We are deeply sorry. The adoption emotions healed over time but I think now that they could have healed a lot quicker if I would have just let some of the emotions out. Yes, I may have been the only one who can fully grasp the adoption emotions in my network of friends, but just talking about things with someone does help a lot.
So now Brett and I have a new goal.....to make more time.We don't want life to pass us by any longer. We are going to put extra effort into just being there. Having fun and making memories with family and friends. We need a social life again. We have a cute little guy that wants some more friends. Sawyer has taught his daddy and mommy that there is more to life than just textbooks and extra shifts at work.
Our adoption is the best thing that ever happened to us. I have grown more in the past 15 months than I have in the past 26 years. Thanks Soy-Joy!
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