~Birth Siblings~

     When we decided on open adoption for our kids, we knew the day would come when their Birth Parents would have more children. I remember when Sawyer's Birth Father told us he was expecting another child. I was unsure of how our adoption would change or where we would fit in now that he was creating his own little family. Where would Sawyer's place be in their family? Would they tell this child that she had an older brother? Having not been in a situation like this, we just didn't know our place but we wanted to be fully supportive and sustain their decisions they made as a family. Wondering was driving me crazy so I called Jason and talked to him about it. I told him we would LOVE to meet his girlfriend and so they planned a visit to come have dinner with us.  The moment they got there, we just LOVED her! She let me squeeze her and rub that cute pregnant belly of hers. From that visit, I knew it would be ok. We adopted Gabby and she adopted us. I can't even put into words just how grateful we are for her. For her love, her willingness to be so open with us, and for her support she has given to Jason. She embraced us and let us in their life when she didn't have to and we are so thankful for her tender heart. 

When their sweet baby girl was born, we were so SO happy for them. She was born around the same time as Jamison so we weren't in Texas at the time of her birth. When we finally saw that sweet little baby though... it was so delicious! Her spirit was so tender and I could feel it. It was beautiful to see the happiness in Jason & Gabby's eyes. 

Sawyer meeting his baby sister Madelyn

Proud Big Brother!

 Madelyn, Sawyer, & Jamison

LOVE!

It's been over 3 years now since that sweet little girl was born and we still see them whenever possible. We are so SO thankful that they want us there. Gabby... you will never know how precious you are to us. Thank you for loving us when you didn't have to. Thank you for letting us adopt you and for adopting us in return. Thank you for all of your love and support. It takes a special person to be that loving. You and Jason are wonderful parents and we are so proud of you both. 

When Sawyer's Birth Mother told us she was pregnant with baby #2, I cried the happiest tears for her. It was her turn to be a full time Mother. She was finally going to know first hand the gift she gave me.... Motherhood. To know the kind of joy I had been able to feel for so long because of her.  I felt so honored to be one of the first to know her news. I was a little unsure of how our adoption would change but I was ready to be supportive in what every she chose. On the day her little boy was born, I loaded up the car and drove 5 hours to Texas to see her. We had already packed our bags because we knew he would be born any day so we were just waiting for the phone call. 

Meeting his baby brother Jax Man!!

It has been almost a year and a half since that little buddy was born and OH MY GOODNESS... he is YUMMY!! It has been so awesome to see Lauren have Motherhood. She is one of the BEST Mommas I know. We are so thankful she is on the same page of openness with the kids as we are. There will be no secrets. The kids will always know their special story.

Here are some recent pictures of our trip to TEXAS!! My only regret is that Jamison wasn't there this trip to be in on the brotherly bonding. Next time for sure!! 

 
 

AHHHH... he is so cute!!

One thing I get asked quite often is "Do you think you will "confuse" the kids with how you do things?" My response... ABSOLUTELY NOT! That is just silly to me a little bit. Whenever there is a need for clarity with the kids, we are right here to clarify. There are no secrets... no mystery to solve. We have taught our kids from a very young age their story. It's something they are proud of. It's kind of like a cousin relationship. You don't see your cousin every day, but you know who they are. You know that your relationship with them is special. You love them and are excited to see them and when you're all together... it's a party! 

I just can't imagine doing it any other way. Every time we have visits with Birth Families I think to myself how sad it would have been had we ALL chosen not to do it this way. So many missed opportunities to love, to bond, to embrace what is. Every parent wants the best for their child and for us, this is what feels best to us. All the hugs, kisses, love, snuggles, etc would have been lost. Mystery would have remained and wounds may have never healed. When Jamison's Birth Momma has more kids, we hope to do the same with them too.  

 So....

these are our boys. 

They have One Mom and One Dad. They each have One Birth Mom & One Birth Dad. Together they have one little brother and one little sister. Together they have 8 GREAT-Grandparents, 11 Grandmas & Grandpas, to MANY cousins to count,  MANY Aunts, & MANY Uncles. MANY, MANY, MANY people that LOVE them. 

How do WE feel about this?? So so Lucky!

When will our paths cross?

Yesterday we came out with our secret.... publicly... on facebook. Even though we had been working on our profile for a while, we were planning to keep it a secret until our profile was officially up. Not sure why I didn't want the world to know yet but yesterday it just felt like the right time. I honestly didn't think much would come of it but I was gratefully wrong. It got 108 shares in one day! That is so awesome!! We are feeling the love and are so glad that so many people want to help us find them (Baby/Birth Family). I can not wait to met them :-) Where are they?? Who are they?? Maybe you are the link. Please continue to help us in our search for them. I don't know their names or their faces but I know I love them a ton. There is something deeply special about this expectant Momma that Heavenly Father has allowed me to feel about her all ready. She is specific for us, and us for her. Any sooner or any later in our journey to find her and our stories could have ended up differently. Hopefully our paths are close to crossing. 

To "Her",

It will be more than ok.... Our story will be beautiful with a happy non-ending ending. Your pain and your struggle will not be in vain. It will inspire others in miraculous ways. YOU are amazing. Remember that. 

Love, Candace

"Dear Birth Mom" Letter

We did it! We finally wrote THE letter. In the past, most adoption agencies would refer to this letter as a "Dear Birth Mom" letter. However, they are now encouraging hopeful adoptive couples to use "Dear Expectant Parent(s)". When we began our letter though, neither of those addresses felt right. We tried "Dear Friend", "Hey There", "Hello", "Howdy" and still nothing felt right. So we addressed it like this.... "Every family has a story... Welcome to Ours".  So HERE it is. I hope they feel a connection to us. We can't wait to meet them :-)

Best Book Ever!

We have a FAVORITE book in our home.... Shel Silverstein's 

"The Giving Tree"

It was one of my favorites as a child and now it is one of the boys favorites. It's about a tree that kind of "adopts" a little boy & loves this little boy so so much. So much in fact that she would do anything for him even if it meant sacrificing herself. 

I liken this book in many ways to my boys and their Birth Families. 

They too have Mothers and Fathers that love very much. Their Birth Parents sacrificed their own hearts so their sons could have a better life than what they could provide at the time. This book has been a great resource in helping our sons to understand unconditional love and sacrifice. I highly recommend it for anybody....especially if you have been blessed somehow with adoption. 

 Love, Candace

Not Ashamed of My Story

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. I was thinking back to when we were trying so hard to conceive a child. It started as a very exciting time in our life and then gradually became a very dark & lonely part of our life.  After about 2 years of trying to get pregnant we started to see doctors. Previous to this, we were not shy about telling others that we were hoping to get pregnant soon. I tracked my temperature, charted, peed on numerous ovulation strips, ate healthy, lived healthy, and did everything I was supposed to do to try to get pregnant. As time went on and literally EVERY one of my friends got pregnant I felt myself slipping away. I couldn't help but ask myself, "What are we doing wrong?!?! When it is our turn?!?" It started to become a painful thing and I hid it from everyone. Few knew we started seeing not one but 2 infertility specialist. Few knew we had several fail procedures that were supposed to increase our chances of getting pregnant and didn't. Few knew I endured a very painful surgery, radiologic procedures, and took several infertility drugs with no success. Same outcome/ diagnosis every time.... "you have unexplained infertility" meaning, everything looks fine....nobody knows why we aren't getting pregnant. 
It was a hard time for us to endure alone. I told my Mother and a VERY few VERY close friends but that is it. They tried their best to help but having not experienced this type of pain, they just didn't get it. I think back now and wonder why. Why was I so ashamed of this trial? I think some of it was not wanting pity from others. I didn't want my pain to be talked about. I didn't want others to see me "broken" as that was how I saw myself....broken. My body had failed me and there was nothing I could do. I tried to push past it but when 2 years of trying turns into 6 years of trying that is a long time to let pain push you down. By then I had unintentionally isolated myself from almost everyone by letting the pain win. I couldn't hid the pain anymore. 
 Also during this time I had absolutely nobody to turn to. As far as I knew, I was the only one struggling with this long battle. Infertility just isn't something I wanted to talk about with people. It's something so intimate and personal so I felt embarrassed to talk about it.
After being married as long as we had and still not having kids, EVERYONE felt like they needed to ask us why. It is such a personal question so I just did what was easiest and just lied. "Oh I want to finish school", or "we aren't ready, etc." I hated lying. I'm not a liar but for this I made an exception. It was just easier to lie than to tell them my 500 page unexplained health history to try to fulfill their curiosity. DO NOT ASK SOMEONE WHY THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. (If you would like tips on how to help your friend or family struggling with infertility or how to be supportive if they are trying to adopt click HERE. )

My infertility secret came out when we adopted our kids. How? Well most people don't just adopt kids right of the bat. Infertility usually is a precursor to adoption. For us adoption wasn't our plan B, it was just the plan that was MEANT to be. It just took us a while to find that road. What also happened when it came out was that women started coming to me in confidence with their own infertility struggles. I became a safe place for them because they knew I had traveled the hard road of infertility. I knew their pain and sometimes that is all you need.... someones who's been there. 

For me, adoption made sense of my infertility. I truly believe my body was designed this way for a reason.... for my boys, and for their Birth Mommas. Had my body worked properly our family would be totally different. Who we are as a family would be different. I am SO proud to be a Mother by Adoption and every painful second I endured to get here was worth it. After we adopted Sawyer, I was no longer ashamed of my infertility. Infertility is part of my story that led me to Sawyer & Jamison so how could I be ashamed of that? 
It has been almost 11 years now and yes I still struggle with infertility at times. However now, I am not ashamed of it. I never thought something so ugly and painful could bring forth so much goodness to myself and those around me. The struggle is usually triggered by various things which I talked about HERE, but the length of time it affects me is nothing compared to how it used to be. Also talking about it actually helps!
If you are currently struggling with infertility, I am here. I know your battle. I know what those tears taste like. Vent to me, cry to me, and I WILL help you through this. You do not have to go through it alone like I did. Let me continue to make sense of my infertility by helping you with yours. If you're not ready to reach out quite yet, remember this.... 

• You are not "broken" the way you might think.
• God is not punishing you. He is not bored and just picking on you either. That is not how he works. He has a plan for you.
• One day all of this pain will make sense.
• Don't forget you're human. It's ok to have a meltdown, just don't unpack and live there. Cry it out and recharge. 
• Unexplained infertility (what I have) may leave you struggling with closure since you have no answers. Therefore you may find yourself stuck somewhere in the grieving process.
• Infertility is an emotional cycle. It's normal to have emotions all over the place!
• You ARE doing enough. 
• Talk to someone who gets it. 
• Pray. Satan tries to limit your praying because your praying will limit him. 
• Re-Evaluate. How open is your mind to other options? 
• Sometimes infertility can be your refiners fire so stay close to the Lord no matter how mad you get at him. 
• Yes... it does feel unfair at times. 
• Never postpone a prompting. 

I hope this helps. It is not something to be ashamed of. I don't know why some struggle with infertility and others don't. One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful. 

I Want Them There

  A few months ago, I attended an Eagle Scout Court of Honor for my nephew. It was a lovely ceremony surrounded by family, friends, and those who have played a special role in my nephew's life. As part of the ceremony, the new Eagle Scout pins a pin on his Mother as a token of thanks for all she has done to help him achieve this highest scout honor. It was so very touching to my heart. After the ceremony was over, I shared with a woman that when my boys were older and we were at their Eagle Scout ceremony, that I would hope that they could have 2 pins for when its time to pin their Mother.... One for me and one for their Birth Mothers. I was very taken back when this woman openly disagreed with this idea. She told me "no... they aren't the ones who will have driven them to all of their meetings, helped with their service projects, etc. That honor is reserved only for you." I was speechless. I found it incredibly insulting to my boys' Birth Mothers and how she so quickly tried to dismiss the idea of something that was so sacred to me. How could she downplay their important roles like that?!?! After Brett and I got in the car, I vented to him my frustration and we both felt the same way. We tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was trying to be "helpful" by maybe helping me see that I don't HAVE to share that honor nor should I feel obligated to or whatever.  Whatever she meant by it though.... struck a nerve. 

As a woman who struggles with unexplained infertility there will always be plenty of moments that I will miss out on. I most likely will never see a positive pregnancy test, never go to an ultrasound, never creatively tell my husband in some awesome way "I'm Pregnant", never celebrate a gender reveal, never experience labor, breastfeeding, swollen ankles, never see what a child of mine and Brett's genetics would look like, etc. Often times my infertility sadness triggers are caused by seeing others who do get these things. Even though I am happy for them, it is still sad at times because it is just a reminder of what I am missing out on. Things that I have absolutely no control over. This missing out list could have been a lot longer had it not been for our amazing Birth Parents. 

When our son's Birth Parents placed their perfect little boys in our arms, they gave us more than just a child. They gave us first steps, winning soccer goals, hand picked flowers, art for the refrigerator, insanely loud giggles, snuggles, messy sticky kisses and so so much more. They gave me Motherhood & Brett Fatherhood. 

I love our boys Birth Parents so so much. I want them there always. I may not be able to control what I miss out on but I can control what they, their Birth Parents, miss out on. I want them there for sports games, school plays, birthday parties, graduations, baptisms, mission farewells, homecomings, and yes... even Eagle Scout Ceremonies....especially when they pin their Mothers. I know living far away from them makes coming to these things a little more difficult but it doesn't mean that I don't wish they could be there. I always think of them in my moments of proudness for our boys. I send them lots of pictures so they can enjoy it with us even though they are far away. I don't feel like I have to share nor do I feel obligated to share at all. It's a choice I made and I whole-heartedly want to share these moments with them. They shared Motherhood with me and I gladly will share Motherhood with them right back. Without them, there would have been nothing to celebrate, and my missing out list would have never ended. 

I know this may not be ideal for everyone.... but for us, it is. I don't feel like I'm loosing out on anything by sharing happy times with them. Sharing doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your joy. Sharing is just making more room for the joy to be spread. It's ok to share your happiness. Just as every adoption is different... so is everyones level of comfort when it comes to sharing. There are some Adoptive Parents and Birth Parents that would rather not have these moments shared with them. That's ok too! Some situations aren't healthy for sharing and would not be in the best interest of the child involved. If I felt even the slightest bit that there would be harm in sharing I wouldn't do it. Luckily, there is no harm in our triads. 

Jason, Lauren, & Amy.... If you read this, know that your presence will always be wanted there. I want to settle any confusion right now and tell you that when we invite you, we genuinely WANT you there. The boys want you there and your families are wanted there too. You will not be the elephant in the room nor in the way in the least bit. I know we live far apart so coming to everything would be difficult, but just know in those moments, we do think of you and our hearts flood with gratitude. For had it not been for you there would be no happiness to celebrate. 
Heart & Soul... Candace

Trying my hardest to make this a habit :-)

Remember....

Just loved this and had to share :-)

Happy Trials :-)

"A quality life is God's greatest wish for us. Life is to be lived well in what every circumstance we find ourselves. There should not be a waiting period."

Often in my life I have come across the "why me", "if only", "how come", "it's not fair", and the "I just don't get it" thoughts. This year I have made it a GOAL to become a better...happier version of myself. In doing so I am teaching myself to think differently about outcomes, pain, and doubt. Over the years and though the woods of my trials I have accumulated a lot experience in several areas of life. Why?? is a question I have asked God and myself many times when I was in dire need of answers. Why was that circumstance necessary and why did it have to happen to me?  Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often came in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When trials were not consequences of my bad choices, I know it was evidence that God felt I was more prepared to grow. To get me from where I was to where He wanted me to be required a lot of stretching, and that generally entailed discomfort and pain. I know trials are necessary to teach me and test me but I also think part of the test is to see what I make of those trials later on down the road. Am I bitter in the midst of a trial or do I try to find the lesson in disguise? There is ALWAYS something to learn from trials. God isn't just bored and picking on me for the heck of it. He is shaping me into someone. 

I am a deep thinker. I have a very good emotional, empathetic memory.... meaning, I may not remember the details of circumstances, but I remember how things made me feel. I am also a very extroverted demonstrative person. I am very open with my feelings and I am not afraid to share them. Truth is sharing them is extremely therapeutic for me. Because I am this way.... I have realized the "why" of so many hardships I have had myself or experienced with others close to me. Yes to grow, but also so I can use those hardships and the knowledge I've gained from them to help others.... in a very positive way. Everyone needs someone and when you are in the depths of despair, what better to have than a friend thats been there. I am not a therapist nor an expert on the way things should be. I am however a walking example of what is possible....of what hard can become. 

Happiness is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice. Choosing to not be offended is a choice. Saying the first "Hello" is a choice. Making these choices every day brings me peace. I don't do awkward well. If I feel tension in the air I try to address it. If I am unclear about something I do whatever I can to understand it. I pick a lot of brains because I don't want to jump to false assumptions. Relationships with people I love are important to me so having a secure, healthy line of communication with a solid foundation is important to me. 

So taking the positive approach has been so GOOD for me. Looking for the lesson, learning from the past, and embracing for the future has changed my life. All by simply changing the way I look at things :-) 

"What?... You Too?"

I love friends... all of my friends!! I have friends that bring out different sides of myself and friends that I know were a gift from God to me when I needed them the most. I have friends that I share certian things with that I don't share with others.  My Bestie Friend Jammie recently wrote a blog post titled "What? You Too?" She too is an Adoptive Mom and has been my rock sooooo many times on my adoption journey. She is not only my best friend... but my safe place. I have cried to her, vented to her, laughed with her, and shared with her many things that I would never feel comfortable or safe sharing with others. Why?? Because she gets it. There are so many things Adoptive Moms experience that others just wouldn't understand even if they whole-heartedly tried. So please take time to read her blog post and maybe it can help you understand the road I travel or the road someone close to you travels :-) Thanks Jammie for your awesome post!

JAMMIE'S POST CLICK HERE!

2013.... My New Way To Live

Goal: The object of a persons ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

This year I am going to set some goals. A lot of goals! Some easy... some not so easy. So the list begins.......

1) eat a really expensive food.

2) Surprise my hubby with random date nights.

3) Write in the boys journals. Just the cute stuff they did that day.( I bought 3 journal. One for each boy and one for our next child. Even though our next child isn't here with us yet, we still think about him/her and want him/her to know our thought about them before they even got here.) 

4) Ride on a fan boat in the swamp.

5) Save an animal. * this one gets a star ;-)

6) Become great friends with someone 85 or older. 

7) Learn how to knit or crochet.

8) Vlog more.

9) Blog More.

10) Hang out with my bestie from the Westie!!

11) Sell something I make.

12) Read a book for fun cover to cover.

13) Detox

14) Meet a survivor of something awful.

15) Learn how to fry a tortilla correctly.

16) Learn how to jar tomatoes or peaches.

17) Use my adoption knowledge for something amazing.

18) Wear lipstick more!

19) Write a poem.

20) Watch Honey Boo Boo.... shut up.... that show is hilarious!! 

21) Love my self more.

22) More chicken... less beef.

23) Call my brother Joe more. 

24) Bond with my Birth Moms and Birth Dad :-)

25) Have greater faith. 

26) Be more patient. 

27) Love someone who angers me.

28) Gain some confidence!
29) Find a piece of trash by the curb and make it beautiful again.
30) Make one new meal a week. 

I know it's a lot.... but hey... ambition is a good thing :-)

2013.... Time to Live Differently.

2012 has had a lot of ups and downs for us. It was a very difficult year in terms of moving, readjusting, grieving, growing, learning, and self-discovery. I have learned so much and I am finally in a place where I feel I can comfortably grow and be my best self yet. 2013 is my year. Bring it on ;-)  Before I leave 2012 there are a few things I wish to leave behind. Things that I let consume me and bring me down too long.
1) Guilt. Guilt is something I am so tired of struggling with. Some would say that the kind of guilt I have is a good kind of guilt and that it's because I love my Birth Families so much that I have it.  My guilt is the guilt of being the Mom while my boys Birth Families miss out on so much. The guilt of feeling like its my responsibility to make sure that they are always happy because I get to benefit so much from what is paining them. Anytime they are sad or depressed I have programmed my brain to automatically think it is because of our adoption plans or because I did something that upset them....  most of the time it isn't at all. I care SO much about them and I crave to know my Birth Moms are at peace with their decision and happy. They both have told me several times that they are :-) It is time for me to stop feeling like the bad guy and to fully embrace this divine role. The way I hurt for them does NOT reflect how much I love them. I love them so much more! I do trust my boys Birth Moms and in doing so I need to also trust that if they have a need that I can help with, that they will let me know. That if I did unintentionally do something that hurt them that we are secure enough in our relationship to talk about it. I love our open adoptions so much but it time to squash the guilt. Squashing it doesn't mean I quit caring about their hearts, it just means I'm replacing a negative energy with a positive one... like gratitude :-)
2) Caring so much about what other people think.  I am not perfect and I worry about everything. My house gets messy, my laundry piles up, and yes.... my kids do get crusty boogers on their shirts. My kids are getting older, making more messes, and if it means they are having a fantastic time then let the piles get bigger. For a lot of people in my social circle, our adoption plans are the only one they know of...especially for an open adoption.  I have put my life on display for the world to see and I always wanted people to get a good impression of how beautiful adoption really is. However many times I felt like people were "observing" my parenting or "studying" my boys as if to see if they were truly happy or if I was truly cut out for the job of being their Mommy. If someone thinks I'm a crappy Mom or has a problem with my being alive then thats their problem. I need to get over it... boogers on clothes are cool!
3) I am allowed to vent sometimes. Venting does not mean I am ungrateful. There are some out there that think that I should never be allowed to have bad parenting days or never complain about anything that has to do with my kids or being a Mom. My youngest son just went through 10 months of severe colic. Any one that has ever had a colicy child knows there are days where you just need a break. My oldest son is in the terrible 3's and woah!! it came out of nowhere. I love my kids so incredibly much but having time to recharge my batteries and clear my head makes me a better Mom to them. I shouldn't feel guilty for that just because my Motherhood came to me differently.
4) Feeling Enough. I struggle with wondering if I am a good enough Mom to my boys. A good enough wife to my husband.  I wonder if I live up to the type of Mother my boys birth parents thought I would be when they chose me to be their childs Mother. I sure hope so. My boys are so loved by so many and while their Birth Parents may not be around every day, I do my best to love them for the both of us.
5) Really Feeling Like Mom. For me feeling like Mom took some time. Being Mom wasn't something I felt like I could just take away from their Birth Moms but more so something I need to wait till they could give it to me.... when THEY were ready.  They were the first Mom. They carried their babies for 9 months and just because they gave birth and delicately handed their babies to me didn't mean their motherhood ended the second the adoption papers were signed. Some may see it as an end but I didn't. Being their first Mom, they made a lot of decisions for their baby while they were Mom. One of the hugest and hardest decisions they made as their Mother was choosing an adoption plan for them. They suffered tremendously after they left the hospital. Any Mother would. They put their own feelings aside for the sake of their child.... as any Mother would.  For me feeling like Mom happened when they sustained me as Mom. For one Birth Mom she sustained me as Mom at the hospital when my son was born and for the other Birth Mom it took more time than that. I do not feel that there is only room for one person to be Mom in my boys lives. They still love my boys as a Mom would and still care about them as a Mom would. I love it!! In my eyes they are still Moms. It is something we all embrace in different ways and in different roles.  I am Mom and their Birth Mom's are their Birth Moms. Together we are Motherhood :-) Even though they have both fully sustained me as Mom, I still have struggles in different ways. When my youngest son had the colic, I really questioned my role as his Mom. I saw him cry nonstop it seemed for years and had no idea why. I felt like as his Mother I should have been more in tune with his needs to be able to soothe him and make him happy when really I was clueless on what to do.  I felt like I failed at that part when in reality there was nothing that could have been done. It was just something he needed to outgrow. I interpreted his crying as his hatred to me and it took a little longer to bond with him that I'd hoped. However... GOOD NEWS... he is a much happier baby now and every day we grow stronger and stronger.
6) It's ok to be 30 :-( I am dreading it. I turn 30 in July and I just feel sad about it. Woe is me... blah blah blah.
7)Loving Myself More. I am very hard on myself and quite critical. I need to shut up and be nicer to Sawyer and Jamison's Mommy... and Brett's Wifeeee!! I do plan on exercising more and getting in shape. My body feels polluted and I wanna feel more alive!!
8) Try More Home Cooking. I love having dinner with my family at the dinner table every night. I get comfortable with certain meals and make them over and over. I'm going to spread my wings and try new foods :-) NomNOmNOM!
9) Be a Better Friend/Listener. It is hard for me to pursue a friendship. I am a deep thinker and tend to be drawn to other deep thinkers. I tell myself that nobody could ever understand my life so therefore I don't have time to invest in a short lived superficial relationship. I need to stop being a weirdo and embrace what a new friendship could become. Maybe we could be united by our differences :-)
10) Letting Go of Pain. It's time. There are things in my life I have held on to farrrr to long. There are trials I've had that were the worst hell of my life and I've held a grudge for farrrr to long. There are things I've done that I deeply regret and it's time to forgive myself. Things I've took for granted and things I wish I could do over. Enough is enough and these bad things will no longer define me. I am not broken.... I never was. It's taken me a long time but I can finally see why some of the painful things were so necessary. I've grown in ways that I could never imagine... and then some.  Goodbye crappy times.
Ahhhh.....I already feel better :-)

Bonus) Be a Better Wife. I am going to strive to be the best wife I've ever been. I love my hubby so much and appreciate all he has done for our little family. I am such a lucky woman and he deserves to be a lucky Man.

Like I said... 2013 is my year :-)