Last week Sawyer's birth parents saw him for the first time since his birth. I was so scared for days before because I wasn't sure how this was going to be emotionally on both sides. Was I strong enough to watch them break down if they do? I didn't know. Would I feel jealously? I didn't know. Would they be disappointed when they saw our house or even Sawyer's room? I didn't know. All these thoughts were running through my head and I didn't know what to do. Sooo, I decided to call my friend Eviga. She is an adoptive mom also that has been in this situation 2 times. She has 2 adopted children. When I called her, one of her childs birth moms also happend to be at her house visiting so I got to talk to them both. It was really helpful. It's nice to see both sides of the fence sometimes. 
When Lauren and Jason arrived, Sawyer and I waited for them in the doorway to greet them. I could tell they were so excited to see him. There were no tears or breakdowns. It was just a happy moment for all of us. They were surprised at how big he was. I don't know how it was for them emotionally but from what I observed they seamed at peace. They brought Sawyer some little gifts and made him a scrapbook. They wrote him letters and added those to the scrapbook also. They brought him a cute little suitcase that I can put stuff in that they send him. Sawyer was a little fussy while they were there but I think it's from the vaccines he got the day before.
We spent a few hours just hanging out for a while. I didn't feel jealously like I thought I might. Eviga told me that I needed to feel secure in my role as Mom and I think that's why I didn't feel jealous. When I say jealous I'm meaning will I still feel like his Mom even when his birth parents are in the room holding him? Would I feel like I'm "pretending" to be his Mom again like I felt in the beginning? I didn't feel like that at all. I know I don't need to erase his birth parents out of his life in order to feel like his mother. I love his birth parents so much and look forward to seeing them again. So basically I worried for nothing. The time flew by so fast. We also made a little video that I posted at the end of this post. Sawyer is a much loved little guy. He has such a sweet spirit about him. I look at him everyday and think to myself that I am the luckiest person in the whole world. Sawyer is our world. We enjoy him so much. He loves music and books a lot so we expose him to those things often. He is smiling a lot more and I think he even tries to talk a little. He babbles all the time. 
Hi Candace and Sawyer, you are doing a great job with Sawyer, and right now you can tell by the smile on his face and when he is able to talk he will tell you. you and Brett did a great thing and you can tell you are great parents to Sawyer. Can't wait to see your next update and video.
ReplyDeleteErica(vintagexglam07 on youtube)
Thank you so much for your comments on my blog! Please help yourself to whatever you think will help others. I have acutally been following your blog for a couple weeks now. I was introduced to it right after I started mine. I am so grateful to you and your birth mother for sharring your stories. Very powerful! I can see that you are both finding Joy in the Journey. It is not always easy, but it can be done. You have a beautiful son, and what a cute mother you are. I am proud of you, look at the beautifulm loving and stable family you are creating for you son. I can only imagine the peace your birth mother is finding. And the confidence she finds in knowing you are being true to your word. Thanks for being so open. I know you have helped many of my own family members with knowledge on how to support us through this very delicate time. I feel really relieved right now. Our birth mother was reunited with her mother tonight. I just loved watching her face light up, knowing that her Mom made it in time to help her through this transition. My heart feels very light and full. I can't wait to meet our little man. I am nurvouse of course, though I know it will work out and that we are creating memories we will cherish through the eternities. Again thank you! I look up to you and your husband. It's fun huh? I feel blessed to be an adoptive mother. (Haha... soon to be) :)
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