Today I braved the coldness and went to Target. The boys and I were racing through the store and hurried to the check out line. I turned the corner, parked my cart and started unloading my things on to the little conveyer belt. Then I hear a voice asking how my day was going. I look up and see that it was the Target cashier. She was a young girl probably in her late teens, early 20's and she had a bump.... a pregnancy bump. I couldn't help but to stare at her for a moment and briefly wonder "what if"? Could that be "her"? Even though I knew it wasn't, it was just a gentle reminder of who we might be looking for or who might be looking for us. I know it sounds crazy, but stranger things have happened. There are SO many stories of Adoptive Couples meeting their Birth Families in some very unexpected ways so you just never know!! :-)
On February 28th 2014, it will be one year since we have started our quest to find them. It took us MANY months just to get our home study done and get our profile up and going. Not by choice... but because of circumstances changing (moving, traveling, etc). That whole time though... "they" were always on our mind.
When our profile went up and we knew that NOW it could actually happen any day, our Waiting Game began.
In adoption, there is no guarantee when or even IF you will be matched with an expectant Mother. Like most women who know their baby will be arriving in about 9 months, there is no end date for Mother's like me. For Mom's like me, every day we wake up and wonder if THIS will be the day. Every time our phone rings and its an out of area number, our heart starts pounding. When your phone dings with an email we hope and pray it's from "Her". We even have silly "what if" games with ourself while checking out at target. For some Moms like me, that hunger for "them" can last for a long, LONG time. This part, the waiting part, can be one of the hardest parts of adoption.
This time is also mixed with a very humbling and exciting time as well. It gives us time to grow and to teach ourselves how to trust Heavenly Father completely. It keeps us close to Him and teaches us how to notice the little miracles and tender mercies all around us. It's a time of preparedness both mentally and spiritually. These moments of hunger will always be a reminder to never take the precious gift of our child for granted. The version of Candace I was when our children were placed in our arms and the version of Candace 6 1/2 years early are 2 totally different people. The way I see it...maybe it took me that long to learn the things I needed to be the type of Mother my children needed. To gain the knowledge and wisdom to raise these valiant little souls the way I hoped to and the way God was trusting me to. I know am a better women because of my 6 1/2 year refining process.
We are not just excited for our family to grow with a new little baby, but we're equally excited to meet our new Birth Momma. We can't wait to tell her our crazy stories of trying to find them. To tell her how it was the thought of "her" that gave us hope to move forward when we thought it was hopeless. To tell "her" it will all be alright and that she doesn't have to worry anymore. To say no goodbyes, just See-you-laters. To finally give "her" a name and a face to go with it :-)
We hope it is a good day for both of us :-)
So while we wait, we choose to be happy and remain patient. We don't want to rush something that we want to last forever. Everything we have ever had to wait for was so incredibly worth it and we know they will be too. We will find them and they will find us when we are meant to and not one moment sooner. Maybe tomorrow is the day... maybe not... and that is totally ok too. For now we will just take it one awesome day at a time.
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